


Changes Nothing and Everything

by PaleoM



Category: Lewis (TV)
Genre: 0702, Hathaway/Lewis - Freeform, Lewis - Freeform, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-01-17
Updated: 2013-01-17
Packaged: 2017-11-25 21:21:02
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,363
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/643076
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PaleoM/pseuds/PaleoM
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>I was always thinking of Hathaway's internal thoughts from the moment he lay there staring at Robbie in shock.  This is what I heard:</p>
            </blockquote>





	Changes Nothing and Everything

SPOILERS: 0702 - Written because it kept nockin on my noggin but my betas, after improving it greatly, ponted out that it should be posted at _<http://lewis-challenge.livejournal.com/45683.html>_ so I did. **  
**

**Changes Nothing and Everything**

  
James and Lewis separated, running through the intersecting hallways of shops that make up the indoor market, looking for both victim and murderer amongst the slow moving shoppers.  “Professor Krane,” that’s what makes him turn, the voice of his governor, Robbie Lewis.  James knows that voice and all the subtleties in it, but now he can hear panic as Robbie shouts out once again, long and desperate, “Profeeesssooorrr”, and there is nothing subtle about it this time.  James turns and he runs, his heart beating in his chest, desperate that one of them will get there in time. He was too late to save the last victim, he won’t be too late this time.  
  
As he breaks into the cross section of alleys he takes in the scene before him in seconds.  The blue hooded jogger running behind Krane, Lewis moving to intervene, to put himself between the professor and a killer who has already claimed two victims.  He doesn’t exactly make a decision, he just reacts and without slowing tackles the runner from the side.  As they fall, she writhes in his grip and his body twists as he tightens his hold pushing him underneath as they fly to the ground, landing in the flower stand behind her.  The display explodes underneath and around them, cushioning the fall somewhat. He still feels a sharp click of bones in his neck as he lands, it’s enough to make him loosen his hold slightly, enough for her to turn in his arms.    
  
James tries to grip her tighter but she is already slipping free of his hands, the position he’s in makes it hard to see her in such close proximity,  with his head amongst the flowers and her flailing arms.  His heart is beating in his chest, adrenaline pumping through his system feeling an awful  lot like panic and he’s not sure if he’s trying to hold her or defend himself, so he blindly tries to find her wrists to satisfy both options.    
  
James sees the syringe heading for him just in time, almost too late as he struggles to hold it at bay above his head, but with no room to move his arm he has no strength behind it, while she has the better position and the desperation to make someone pay, anyone pay, him pay.  James is holding back certain death with just the strength of his wrist and he can see the syringe edging closer, the needle a blurry line it’s so close and his  heart is racing almost painfully as he realises he is losing the battle.  He doesn’t know what to do, can’t think straight or focus on anything but the  needle moving ever closer.  Finally it’s too late, the needle has moved past his face and he knows it’s only a matter of time.    
  
She pushes the syringe into his neck but he’s not fully aware of that, a fleeting thought wondering what it will be like to fade away, but the thought  is there and gone again because he’s not giving in.  James Hathaway is not giving up.  He’s a fighter, and he’s fighting with everything he has until  suddenly all he feels is air and he doesn’t know quite what happened except that she’s gone and Robbie is staring down at him with a look in his   eyes that James can’t look away from.  
  
Mesmerized James just stares, body lax but humming with excitement and shock because Robbie's looking down at him with such _feeling_.  Finally, Robbie’s words filter through, “...alright?...  Hathaway, man...” and he realises she no longer has the needle, that it’s not anywhere and that amongst the feelings on Robbie’s face is devastated horror and that’s when he realises that the needle is sticking out of the neck brace and he could be dying, _not now, not now, not when everything has changed._  
  
James’ fingers scrabble to remove the neck brace even as Robbie’s voice fills his ears, “...talk to me... please.”  That last word is dragged out, stretched thin enough to see the emotions within, the desperation, panic, and things James has only dreamed of as his hand fumbles at his own neck, now clear of the brace.  He feels only smooth skin, turning his focus to examine the neck brace from the inside and realising there is no sign of the needle on this side, nothing to indicate it pierced all the way through.  
  
James looks up at Robbie, who is still holding Katherine from behind in an arm lock, looking like he is seconds from releasing her because he _needs_ to check on James for himself.  James who is stunned mute once again by the feelings suddenly so plain to see in Robbie’s slate blue eyes, but he has to put Robbie at ease and finally manages, “She got the brace,” as he tears his gaze away, looking skyward to his God in thanks as he takes a stabilising breath of relief.  
  
When James lowers his head back down he sees that Katherine is still secure in Robbie’s hold, her back to him as his elbows lock in around hers holding her arms in tight, while his forearms slide under her biceps, lifting her arms up at an awkward angle.  The angle forcing her to bend forwards to accommodate it, Robbie’s hands on her upper back stop her throwing herself back at him.  James knew the position could be painful, if the suspect didn’t make the effort to keep still, and would require minimal force from Robbie to maintain it.    
  
James’ eyes track back to Robbie’s face to see that as Robbie turns to look down at Katherine his eyes become hard and cold, and his fingers twitch towards the back of her neck as if he wants to reach up and shake her by it. James knows he wouldn’t, not Robbie, but that twitch is yet another sign of the depth that Robbie feels for him and he gets a thrill from that.  The blue flashing lights snap their attention and both look to the nearby exit.  Soon enough a uniform is taking Katherine from Robbie’s hold.  
  
Robbie is by his side in a single stride, helping him up and guiding him towards the exit, his hand never leaving the small of James’ back until they are outside.  Robbie reaches into James own jacket pocket, pulling out his cigarettes, “Here, lad, figure you could use one of these right now,” he says with a smile.  James takes the packet with an easy smile and gratefully pulls out a cigarette and lights it, putting the rest away, along with his lighter.  Robbie continues, “I just need to ask Katherine some questions and then I’m taking you to hospital to get checked out,” he says in a stubborn tone of voice, his eyes still tracking over James as if he’s worried James will just drop dead in front of him.  
  
James frowns but Robbie says quietly, “You could be dead now,” and it’s almost a whisper but it’s the tone, something in it that nearly breaks James’ heart and he just nods.  
  
“Okay.”  
  
A police woman walks out with the suspect and Robbie looks over, leaving to meet them without a word and suddenly James realises the change that just happened in front of him.  Lewis the Governor is back again, dutiful, patient... distant.  James sees the man he has waited six years for just fade away, a man that he didn’t even think existed until now.  James watches as those feelings that lifted his heart are boxed away by Robbie and ignored, dismissed and something bitter twists inside as he stubs out his cigarette and makes his way to Robbie’s car.  He sits in the passenger seat, quiet and mulish, unsure how to proceed because he thought everything had changed, but nothing truly has.  
  
Robbie gets in the car, just as an ambulance pulls up behind them, probably called to the scene when the onlookers called the police.  Robbie looks into his rearview mirror and sees it too, “Come on, lets get them to look at you, be quicker than a trip to A &E,” Robbie says as he climbs back out the car. His Governor is already speaking to the ambulance crew when James reaches them.  They sit him on the gurney in the back and the paramedic goes over his neck with a magnifying glass, making sure there are no marks.  She reports that there’s not even a scratch.  She feels his neck, gets James to move the full range while her fingers probe and monitor the movements underneath his skin.  She finally gives him the all clear and he’s released, this time without a neck brace.  
.    
Robbie smiles as he takes James by the elbow and instead of taking him back to the car, he leads him round the corner to sit on a bench and  tells him to stay put while he goes and gets him some lunch.  All the while his eyes are soft and his touch is constant and James doesn’t want it to stop, but he knows now that when they walk back into the station this man will fade away once again.  
  
Lewis returns and drops a pre-packed baguette into his lap.  
  
“Great about your neck, eh?” Robbie says as he sits down next to him.  
  
“Yeah, who’d have thought rugby tackling a syringe wielding murderer would be such good physio,” and he can hear the sharp sarcasm of his tones because he doesn’t want to talk about this, he wants to talk about the way Robbie looked at him back there, can’t seem to stop his foot from bouncing in agitation because he doesn’t know _how_.  
  
“An inch and half of foam away from certain death,” Robbie’s voice seems to stress the final word, like he can’t fully believe how close they came this time, but he continues before James can even formulate a response, “Just think if you hadn’t made it I might have had to go and see a psychic,” Robbie says around his sandwich.  
  
“Would have been a very one sided conversation,” James answers quickly, tight smile, thoughts on other things, wondering if this is how it will be, _normal banter, normal everything._  
  
“You say that now,” Robbie says, humour so clear in his voice, “You’d miss me if you were gone.”  
  
James can’t help but smile because it’s true, he would.  Hell, he will miss him sooner than that because he knows this soft, humorous Robbie who feels something for him will drift in and out of his life, visit like an apparition of something lost but nothing will change.  
  
“So, you don’t think Justine was the real thing?” Robbie asks, “She knew Rueben had been killed before we told her.”  
  
James would like to discuss it, he likes discussing things with Lewis but he’s got an image in his head of Robbie sitting opposite the table while Justine tells him about Val as if she is there, while Robbie looks around an empty room and believes.  
  
“Shame she didn’t tell us something we didn’t already know,” James said softly, a barely there shrug to his shoulders as he tries to soften the blow, _Val is gone, you can’t speak to her anymore, I’m sorry._  
  
“Strange how the higher powers are so ambivalent, eh?”  Robbie says with a grin, around another bite of sandwich.  
  
 _Ambivalent_ , James thinks, _having two opposing feelings at the same time, or being uncertain about how you feel, according to the Cambridge Dictionary_.  James can’t look at him, instead wondering if Robbie is trying to say something more or if he’s just overthinking it.  James wishes he could stay here forever, caught in this moment where they are just Robbie and James, not Governor and his Sergeant.  He’s loathe to return, to see that mask fall once again, to know nothing has changed.  
  
“Come on, lets get back,” Robbie says as he stands, taking a few steps away from James.  
  
 _Lets get back to normal, lets pretend nothing happened_ , James interprets..  
  
“I don’t think I want to,” James says, the slight crack of fear in his voice as he risks everything.  
  
Robbie ponders him for a minute before coming back and sitting next to him, “I used to feel like that,” Robbie says, and James isn’t quite sure what that means, he hopes it means _till you came_ but he’s sure Robbie is trying to close the door, or maybe Robbie just doesn’t realise they are having two conversations here.  
  
“What happened,” James says roughly, emotions of disappointment in his throat.  
  
“The next case?” Robbie suggests.  


"Can we just sit here for a minute,” James says quickly, like he might back out if he doesn’t say it fast enough.  He turns to Robbie and shows him what’s inside, because he doesn't want to go onto the next case where everything returns to normal, he doesn't want normal, he wants Robbie.

  
Robbie looks over his face, eyes roving over his features, wariness followed by hesitant acceptance, “Course we can,” he says softly with a nod.  
  
They sit and stare at each other a moment longer as something eases in James.  Maybe not everything has to return to normal, maybe something _can_ change.  He looks around him as Robbie does the same.  Relaxed and casual in each other’s presence as James ponders their future, and ponders the changes he’s determined to make.    
  
James can’t forget the look on Robbie's face when he thought he was going to lose him, and now that James knows there is even a chance that the only thing he’s ever wanted is a possibility he is determined to make it happen.  James just has to figure out _how_ to make it happen because he can’t go back to normal, Robbie Lewis is within his grasp and James is going to reach out and grab, determined that today changes everything.  
  
END.


End file.
